What is this - under my hood

B.C. said:
I originally signed up for 6 months like a test drive lol.
Had to do a lot of talking to get them to let me join for just 6 months...then i did 4 years...4 more...and 2 more...and 2 more...
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I spent 5 years active, had I not been married I would have probably stayed in and made a career out of it. Looking back now I would have been better off to choose the Navy over my first wife, however that would have probably meant I would never had met my second wife, so all in all it worked out pretty good. Wouldn't trade anything for my second wife, love of my life.
 
bdarnold12 said:
I spent 5 years active, had I not been married I would have probably stayed in and made a career out of it. Looking back now I would have been better off to choose the Navy over my first wife, however that would have probably meant I would never had met my second wife, so all in all it worked out pretty good. Wouldn't trade anything for my second wife, love of my life.
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I planned to do 30 years and retire at 48 with full pension, but left after 12 years. PTSD, permanent injuries, and I just couldn't do it anymore. Shot down, barely survived, then crawled around the desert alone for a couple weeks eating bugs, while bleeding, and unable to walk or use my right arm from bullet wounds. I survived that and went back, for another tour, and I did my job. Tour two I held a lady in my arms as she took her last breath. Listening to her body make the death rattle, and drenched in her blood, I snapped that day, just didn't realize it myself. I just ran on my own autopilot I didn't know that I had the last few years. My commander made me go see the base shrink one day, it was alright...went good the first dozen visits or so, I was closed off as an internal defense mechanism I wasn't aware that I had...then one day sitting there in a counseling session, I had a meltdown of all meltdowns. Cried for about 2 days, and then start learning how to cope with things instead of just bottling them up deep down inside. Girl I was dating and I we both retired from service and moved to the Okanogan and went into civilian life. Damn I loved her, and what a pilot she was, I swear she was the best of the best. One day she just never returned from a routine flight! That was the day I realized that nothing else mattered in my life. I had lost the only thing that really mattered and I was angry, I spent the next year either depressed or exploding. Picked fights with anyone who would fight just as a release of the anger in me. I would go to a bar and piss off the bouncers till they were mad enough to fight so i could beat on them. I was out of control and not a nice person like I felt that I used to be. Time, another shrink, taking almost a year off from flying to subdivide some land I bought and oversee my house build, and pulling some wrenches on helicopters for people who hired me, did a lot of fishing and snowmobiling, spent a lot of time alone, eventually getting to know God, and I restored my internal peace. After tracking down many people who were victims of my rage to apologize, I just settled into my very calm, and drama free life I have now. I have so many regrets about so many things, but I can't turn back time, so just continue on with a better understanding about life and death!
Sorry for rambling on, that is my story. Now I am a 42 year old man, Christian, multiple business owner, Pilot, and AME. But much more than that, I have learned how to laugh again, and how to love again. Still deeply flawed, filled with regrets, and wish I didn't know pain and death, but at least those chapters of my life are behind me.
 
bdarnold12 said:
I spent 5 years active, had I not been married I would have probably stayed in and made a career out of it. Looking back now I would have been better off to choose the Navy over my first wife, however that would have probably meant I would never had met my second wife, so all in all it worked out pretty good. Wouldn't trade anything for my second wife, love of my life.
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Roger that. I met my second, and current, wife while in active duty.
 
Scott, B-Man, B.C. and bdarnold12, I respect and extend a big thank you, to you for your military service. Your and your families’ personal sacrifices, unwavering commitment and on-going support under challenging circumstances, is deeply appreciated, and highly valued. Thank you!
 
So heartbreaking BC. I am so sorry for all the pain you have endured. As I read your journey, I see the positives, with a path forward, filled with new beginnings, a wonderful new relationship and exciting new ventures - your Tacoma family and friends are by your side. All our best brother!
 
^^^^^^^
@ B.C., as I read youre post of youre journey there we so many things going thru my mind as how to express my condolences, feel youre pain, and congratulate you on youre progress. Been thinking about it all day as how to put it into words. I'm so happy that you got the help to get youre life back on track. @ Backroaded has an amazing post that says it all. Wish you the best brother.
 
B.C. said:
I planned to do 30 years and retire at 48 with full pension, but left after 12 years. PTSD, permanent injuries, and I just couldn't do it anymore. Shot down, barely survived, then crawled around the desert alone for a couple weeks eating bugs, while bleeding, and unable to walk or use my right arm from bullet wounds. I survived that and went back, for another tour, and I did my job. Tour two I held a lady in my arms as she took her last breath. Listening to her body make the death rattle, and drenched in her blood, I snapped that day, just didn't realize it myself. I just ran on my own autopilot I didn't know that I had the last few years. My commander made me go see the base shrink one day, it was alright...went good the first dozen visits or so, I was closed off as an internal defense mechanism I wasn't aware that I had...then one day sitting there in a counseling session, I had a meltdown of all meltdowns. Cried for about 2 days, and then start learning how to cope with things instead of just bottling them up deep down inside. Girl I was dating and I we both retired from service and moved to the Okanogan and went into civilian life. Damn I loved her, and what a pilot she was, I swear she was the best of the best. One day she just never returned from a routine flight! That was the day I realized that nothing else mattered in my life. I had lost the only thing that really mattered and I was angry, I spent the next year either depressed or exploding. Picked fights with anyone who would fight just as a release of the anger in me. I would go to a bar and piss off the bouncers till they were mad enough to fight so i could beat on them. I was out of control and not a nice person like I felt that I used to be. Time, another shrink, taking almost a year off from flying to subdivide some land I bought and oversee my house build, and pulling some wrenches on helicopters for people who hired me, did a lot of fishing and snowmobiling, spent a lot of time alone, eventually getting to know God, and I restored my internal peace. After tracking down many people who were victims of my rage to apologize, I just settled into my very calm, and drama free life I have now. I have so many regrets about so many things, but I can't turn back time, so just continue on with a better understanding about life and death!
Sorry for rambling on, that is my story. Now I am a 42 year old man, Christian, multiple business owner, Pilot, and AME. But much more than that, I have learned how to laugh again, and how to love again. Still deeply flawed, filled with regrets, and wish I didn't know pain and death, but at least those chapters of my life are behind me.
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Thank you for your story. I feel for you and your friends and family that was apart of it. I am so glad that you found the lord and got help. I’m also proud that you are open and told your story. PTSD happens a lot in the armed services it also happens in the EMS world. I’m hoping that If so one reads this that is going down hill will do what you did. Thank you
 
Nobody should ever feel ashamed to say that they need help. Sadly I did feel shame about it for a long time, but not anymore. Shrinks are a good thing, and I still see a counselor once a month to just have that neutral person to talk to...she is great by the way, been seeing her for about 4 years now. If anyone here ever needs to talk, send me a PM and i'll shoot you my number to text or call. I will never judge you or tell a soul we are even talking. Just a safe ear to listen.
God bless all of you.
 
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